hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
