I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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