Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
