I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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