Only a mothe r could love this liver
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
