woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
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