just tell him i said nine months
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
