I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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