i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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