After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
