Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Congratulations! We have a period
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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