he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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