Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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