I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
