I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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