Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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