i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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