with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
