so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
