I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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