jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
