i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
