I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
