Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
