She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
