Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
