k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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