Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
