happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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