I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
