The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
