Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
