I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
