i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
