We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
