OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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