If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
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I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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