TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
