So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
