I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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