Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
