Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
