You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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