did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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