There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
