why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
