Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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