Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i love accidental penises.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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