watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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