Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
