i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
