Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
