Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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