weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
