i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
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I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
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I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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