We are two peas in an std pod
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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