best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
