i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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