Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
