dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
