I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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