one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
