I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
