Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
