My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize