there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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