I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
