he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
