I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
