Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
