just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
