it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
