i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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