I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
