Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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