It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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