I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
