plz talk dirty to me
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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